My life currently exists hopping from one Airbnb to the next (with my fellow #gypsysister11).
I usually end up in my current "home" for a few days to gather some items and pack for the next stay/next location. It should be noted that this current situation is a choice....I am not complaining and feel fortunate to live this way.
Our most recent Airbnb stay was very, very dry. It was cozy and beautiful and had some cute artwork - but my skin was suffocating from the heat & dryness in the old apartment.
I am at "home-base" for a few nights and took a bath. This seems to be where a lot of my deepest thoughts happen (or they aren't that deep and just feel like that in the moment). Maybe it was the am-beyonce of the bathroom with candles & chill music & extra hot water on a snowy night or maybe it was just all my emotions culminating in the water or maybe it is just the result of an over-active mind. Regardless - I wanted to write. First, I lotion-ed the shit out of my dry-ass body because.....🤷♀️
I recognize that I mention/talk about my age several times in my posts. This might be redundant but it is relevant, although not for the reason many would think. I am not afraid of my age, I am not afraid of getting older (I welcome it and all that awaits) and most importantly, I am not afraid of turning 40.
But what I do know, is that I am at the junction of a major turning point in my life. I think it is one of the most significant turning points that many of us face - it is the definition of transformation. I literally am changing the life I had had for the first (almost) 40 years and creating a vastly different version.
Like any good book, some parts aren't editable; they are the backbone, the foundation, that allows you to understand the main character. But the character can change the variations and endings of each chapter as many times necessary. I feel those of us in this stage of life need a louder voice; maybe we just need to know we aren't alone. Maybe that's secretly what I need to know.
While I was laying in the water, I very clearly had a vision of all the past experiences I have had in my life so far - with people, situations, jobs, relationships, myself - and I saw an image of a filing cabinet. Oddly enough this filing cabinet was dangling below me (like an anchor hanging from the bathtub) and I could feel how heavy and full it was; overflowing (excuse the pun) with information.
I quickly realized the filing cabinet was full of every mental note I have taken of these experiences; every minute I have spent analyzing and over-analyzing to make sense and find some deeper meaning or just to fantasize or to avoid or to distract.
Most importantly - I could feel how fantastically heavy it was and how it was weighing me down. This isn't a new vision or concept or idea; so many self-help books and articles and gurus talk about the idea of our thoughts "weighing" us down. That's not my point.
What I saw was how much mental capacity/energy/creativity I have wasted on all of these thoughts that have provided me nothing. The experience created the memory and that memory is what I need to store; the mind fuck of everything I thought of that experience - especially if at all negative - serves no purpose to me anymore. It needs to be removed to allow more memories & experiences to exist.
And that is what my Part II will be - a release of the unnecessary details that have clouded my journey so far and have been weighing down my spirit for far too long.
Anyone for a group fire pit to burn all the papers........? 🔥🔥🔥🔥
*I completely understand that the title of this one was a stretch; would you have really read it if I titled it "filing cabinet?" I wouldn't!
Take care & happy burning,
The Auryn
Actually Yes!🤷🏾♀️😂