I ask that you follow along with me on this post. I want you to see what's actually happening; not what you perceive is happening.
I already talked about going against the grain when I realized drinking wasn't for me; that was only the beginning of a somewhat unconventional life. There have been other moments that I am sure we will get to and I'm thinking you can relate to.
Nothing compares to the judgement, fear, lack of understanding and ignorance I have experienced diving into my spiritual side and posting anything that might resemble something "witchy," "witch-like" or just straight up "witch" focused. It is important that I point out, I have never identified as a witch and I don't see it as a bad thing, but man we are still harboring some fearful vibes for the practicing magician, LOL. Not sure the witch-hunts ever really ended?
What makes me sad about these assumptions, is that automatically people put me in a category of being a satan worshiper, working with evil energy, wanting to harm or control other people and summoning the devil. It is as if who I have been for the last 38 years has gone out the window to people who know me well (and some who have no idea who I am so they get a pass). 😒
This is all because I pulled out a deck of tarot cards for some intuitive guidance, lit a few candles to focus my intentions & energy on self healing or burned some paper in a fire to release all the negative thoughts about myself that no longer serve me. So I guess that erases my entire identity and ability to be a good person? Seems logical.....🤷♀️
The truth is, I am interested in everything spiritual because I am on a journey of self discovery and trying all the POSITIVE things I can to help me understand myself better. I have tried so many things and will continue to try more (and hopefully share them with you, if you will allow me). Psychic readings (intuitive, channeled, tarot), Reiki, Acupuncture, Sound Healing, Salt Caves, Meditation, Crystals, Smudging, Ayurveda, Yoga, Hypnosis, Floating, Rituals, Journaling, Astrology + more on my list to try.
The reason why I use these methods and do rituals (which is nothing more than focusing my intentions on what I need to heal inside myself in that moment) is because it is the only thing I have found that truly lets me connect to my inner self, my soul. The parts I have closed off for so many years.
For example, I wanted to meditate and do an intention setting ritual to set the stage for the upcoming year (yes, January is almost over so I am a little late but it is the thought that counts, right?) and I felt like tonight - to end my little mini retreat - was a good time to do it.
Guess what I didn't do - sacrifice a human body, summon demons, spread negative energy or speak in tongues. I know, I know - it is so boring now! 🧙🏼⚡️🪔
What I did do: I sat on the floor and lit a little white candle. I put the little white candle into a small piece of wood, then I set an intention in my head that the candle would help carry my thoughts out into the universe and release what I didn't want to carry into 2021 &help me bring in the things I want to focus on for the year.
I wrote these things on a few small pieces of parchment. I said them outloud to reaffirm to myself, at my core, to LET GO. Stop doubting myself and not having any self love. To release all the emotions and pain that aren't helping me get anywhere or accomplish anything. To stop living from my head with worry and anxiety and over-thinking. Start living from my heart instead and what I know is right for me.
Then I say all the things I want to bring into myself for the year - not compromising who I am for anyone, having faith that all things will work out as they should, using my voice whatever way is most helpful and no longer being afraid to do anything.
The real magic happens from there; I burn the little papers I wrote all those wonderful intentions on and watch the smoke carry it up and away; I kid you not, it feels lighter as I watch it dissipate into the air. Then I sit - tonight I cried like a bitch (caught me completely off guard) while I was releasing everything.
It was that ugly cry that you are glad nobody is around to see but you know it needs to come out. When your face crinkles and you just let the tears drip down your face for dramatic effect.
I had a little meditation set I picked up at a local spiritual shop last week that I wanted to try. You literally hold 2 crystals (selenite if you are interested) in your hands and put a little oil on your wrists (or anywhere you like) and sit there and meditate. Just to help calm and ground yourself. Then you wait to see if yourself talks back - sounds awkward but it works. Sometimes it will actually give you full blown conversations like it did tonight.
Now I'll be honest, I was highly distracted and all over the place at first. My mind was floating to plans for my 40th birthday party (which is not until next year, LOL) and what I needed to do after I was done meditating and several other bullshit thoughts. I was just getting ready to give up when out of nowhere, I heard myself talk.
What did I say? I was just as surprised as you:
I need to accept my Mom for who she is. I need to accept her as she is, without additional expectations of who I think she should be. I need to release her from these expectations I have created because she also has expectations of me that I am not able to live up to in this lifetime. I cannot continue to carry around the resentment and lack of understanding. It is hypocritical of me because it is exactly the thing I am trying to release from other people.
So naturally I responded to myself (by the way, I found it very easy to talk to me, LOL) and asked: How? How do I accept and release the thoughts and resentment? I responded with this meditation, right now - do it NOW.
I again asked - HOW? And I kid you not, I had a feeling there was a weighted blanket (which I have never used) on the right side of my body; only the right side which does have additional meaning. And I needed to see the resentment and lack of acceptance as this blanket and take it away. So I proceeded to fold the blanket into the smallest size I could manage and then I realized I needed to burn the blanket - I didn't want to put it in a box or a dresser or a trunk because I didn't want to carry it anymore.
I had to burn it. In my mind, I took the folded up blanket and burned it in a fire pit. I watched it burn and then realized - in real life - my candle I lit during my ritual was burning onto my piece of wood and I had to put it out. This might be a sign my visualization was too effective.
I returned to my mind to finish the burning of the blanket and I came back and opened my eyes. I am exhausted. Literally, emotionally & physically exhausted.
Does that sound scary or evil witchcraft? It definitely feels like I just came out of some highly effective, expensive therapy session. 🤣😂
Take care,
The Auryn
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