If you haven't been able to tell already, most of these posts truly come from random thoughts in my head that I feel the need to purge.
So this post comes from the depths of my bathtub. 🛀
I am single and adapting because I have not been single since I was 24. A few things have changed since I was 24, specifically my body (although not all changes have been bad, lol). I am trying to find ways to make myself feel confident, attractive and dare I say.....sexy.
I am trying to look less like an almost 40 year old Mom who has 5 kids and volunteers regularly for the PTA (let me clarify there is nothing wrong with any of that) when I have absolutely no kids or involvement in any said PTA.
This brings me to my deep bathtub thought - how coming out of a relationship suddenly makes you question your appeal to yourself and anyone else. This is any type of appeal: sex, personality, humor, intelligence, banana, etc......
I didn't always feel particularly sexy or attractive or confident while I was in my relationship; which I do think is completely normal after you are with someone for a lengthy period of time. But suddenly, because I am no longer partnered with someone, I am wondering what I look like to complete strangers because I really have no idea anymore.
I decided to get really awkward and challenge myself. When I got out of the bathtub I was going to force myself to put on something that I might feel kinda of attractive/sexy in and take a picture. That was the plan - nothing else. Just the action of getting out of my head and actually doing it. Following through with my random, uncomfortable, embarrassing and awkward ideas.
And that is how we landed with this:
I purposefully put on an outfit that made me feel good but didn't put on make-up. I purposefully wanted to share this picture as a side-by-side with a photo of myself that I do NOT like at all.
I hate my profile (underbite & all), I'm not crazy about my ethnic Hungarian arms and my ass takes up the majority of the picture on the right. But if I don't share both pictures, I am not being truthful to who I am and that is the entire purpose of every single thing I am choosing to do in my life right now. I've ben hiding and uncomfortable for too many years.
These pictures represent two very different versions of myself. There are several other versions that aren't included (mostly b/c I don't have enough patience to create a montage of all of them - but I think the image below captures them pretty well).
Moral of the blog-o today: get out of the tub, put on something that makes you feel good (which might be nothing at all) and take some photos. Take them until you start to convince yourself that you really aren't that bad at all. And then, if you feel brave, share them with me because I would love to see all of you!
Take care,
The Auryn.
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